Country Music Star Changes Name to ‘Urban Keith’

• Mathew Silver

In what appears to be an ill-fated attempt to reach a different demographic, country music star Keith Urban has swapped his given and surname. The change in name will also usher in a change in genre for the Australian-born singer, who insists that he’s always identified as “a black male,” but felt pressure from the music community to portray a certain image.

“This has been a really tough decision for my family, but I can no longer live a lie. I have spent my entire life as a black man in a white body, and the whole music thing just makes it even worse. Imagine having to sing songs about beer and trucks, when you just want to rap about your bitches and hoes.”

As a result, Keith will no longer be eligible for the Country Music Award’s “Male Vocalist of the Year,” but instead, will try his hand at the Black Entertainment Awards for “Best Hip-Hop Artist.”

To further confirm the rumors, Keith has teamed up with legendary hip-hop producer Rick Ross to produce his new album, From Poppin’ the Hood, To Livin’ in It.

“I have never felt so liberated in my life,” says Keith, “My creativity is at an all-time high, and I finally feel like I’m making music that is true to who I am. Me and Rick [Ross] have an incredible relationship. We’ve been going hard in the studio to make dope beats for the fans.”

Jennifer Black, a Los Angeles-based public relations expert says that Keith is just piggy-backing off of social trends to curry favor with fans, “It’s been proven that defying patriarchal stereotypes is a good way to get publicity post-2014. This was a really savvy move by his handlers.”

But not everyone is supportive of the country singer’s decision. His wife, Nicole Kidman, felt that the change was too drastic, and her husband would have benefited from finding some middle ground.

“In my experience, taking a risk like this can really hurt your career. I suggested he try ‘Suburban Keith’, as a metaphoric and literal way to bridge the gap between the urban and country community – but he told me I was a bitch.”

Rival pop-country artist Luke Bryan was particularly jilted by the news, “If I did the same thing I would still sound like a typical white American. How is that fair?”

Keith also seems disillusioned about his relationship with Rick Ross.

“This dude is whack as f*ck,” says Ross. “Coming into the studio with his hat all sideways calling me homeboy and shit. Far and away the worst album I’ve ever produced.”

Keith’s newest album, which is set for release in late September, will feature hits like “I Still Like My Chicken Fried” and “High School SweetThots.” Our fingers are crossed in the shape of a gang sign, and we wish Keith all the best in the future.