- Mathew Silver
First grab coffee or some type of stimulant. I would suggest avoiding alcohol as you might have a tendency to get carried away. Also, if you have a tendency to bury the deepest and most heinous aspects of your personality it might be best to avoid in vino veritas at all costs.
Now that you have your coffee in hand you should start brainstorming some topics. Maybe you want to talk about the latest BMX news? Maybe you have a life and don’t want to do that? Either way, brainstorming is an important part of the creative process and should be taken seriously.
OK, the ball is rolling. You’ve written down ‘Internet kittens’, ‘Insane Clown Posse’, and ‘anarchism’ as potential topics. You’ve also considered how the topics will be perceived and eliminate two of them. You are left with ‘Insane Clown Posse.’
You put on some music. You start with something mellow to rock your consciousness into a state of creative enlightenment. Then you quickly decide that you would rather listen to some hard rock to completely nullify that pesky consciousness; it’s actually just holding you back. You decide to listen to My Chemical Romance because that band is awesome.
Alright, time for a little more coffee. You’re hoping that this little shot of caffeine will be what puts you over the edge. You are ready to channel Jane Austen, or Hemingway, or Hank Moody. Fuck, you’ve just burnt your tongue. WHO MADE THIS GODDAMN POT OF COFFEE SO HOT??? You have a brief exchange with the manager of the coffee shop. He isn’t very apologetic and insists that the temperature of the coffee machine is pre-set. You ask to speak with the owner and he explains that he is the owner. You sulk back to your chair.
You go onto Google and search “How to Overcome Writer’s Block.” You realize that you have burdened yourself with writing the exact article that you need. You wonder if this has some deeper philosophical significance. It definitely doesn’t.
You are desperate for more coffee. You storm to the counter and demand a refill. The owner explains that he is calling the police. Apparently you have been foaming at the mouth and typing fervently on your computer, enough to make him question your fleeting sanity.
Writing is hard.