I stumbled upon something horrible just the other day. Like every other Tuesday afternoon, I was watching Patch Adams on VHS in my basement with Uncle Ron, when I noticed some strange details about the film. A man changes his name, escapes a psychiatric ward, wears a creepy clown nose, and spends his time terrorizing patients in a hospital.

It left me with the following questions:

Why is Uncle Ron touching me? And is Patch Adams a semi-biographical comedy-drama about a young man determined to inject some humanity into the medical industry through humor and sympathetic care, or a cautionary tale about a deranged killer’s elaborate ruse to become an accredited physician and turn his patients into unsuspecting victims? I’ll let you decide.

Here’s how it goes down…

When Hunter Adams decides to change his name to Patch, it’s one of several signs that he’s undergoing a personality change.

He spends time in treatment, where doctors desperately try to get him some help.

He seems to be oddly fascinated with the other patients. Unfortunately, the man in this photo is unable to flag down a medical professional before he meets his untimely demise. He’s the first of many…

Hunter, who has undergone a full identity transformation and only responds to Patch, escapes the hospital under the guise of a caring, trained, and otherwise cheery doctor. His outfit is somewhat convincing.

It’s only when he enters an off-limits children’s ward that things go horribly wrong.

The children are just waking up from an afternoon nap.

When Patch Adams strikes wearing his signature clown nose!!! (Look away if you don’t like senseless violence)

Every parent’s worst nightmare.

But it didn’t stop there. Patch decided to terrorize another innocent child.

Before going across the room to grab another one!!!

His plan is thwarted when another adult enters the room. Phew.

But the bastard tries to make his escape!!!

Only to realize he had nowhere to go. Caught red-nosed.

He slinks out of the room like the coward that he is.

But not before peeking through the window to remind the children that he would be back.

I know you found that scene absolutely shocking. Sadly, it gets worse.

His next victim is a sweet octogenarian named Maggie, whom he kills with the most unsuspected of weapons.

SPAGHETTI!!!!!!

Once his dirty henchman, Hoffman Seymour Phillips, grabbed ahold, she didn’t stand a chance.

The ritual was attended by other members of his sadistic cult. They watched on gleefully as she struggled for survival.

Gone too soon, Maggie. Gone too soon…

Let’s take a step back.

I admire your optimism. You probably think that’s the end. After all, what else could this man be capable of? How much blood needs to be shed before someone puts an end to it.

I’m going to give you fair warning.

If you have a weak stomach please exit out of this article and go to one of our website’s friendlier links.

YOU DON’T WANT TO SEE WHAT HAPPENS NEXT.

Might I recommend:

A Eulogy For Harriet Funkstein

Someone Please Date My Friend Derrick

Or even Directions to Brad’s Party

Now that you’ve had a chance to get out, I’ll reveal the most horrifying image of all!!!

Patch exposes himself in front of his entire graduating class!!!

And you thought this was children’s movie. These poor ladies. There are some things that eyes can’t unsee.

It turns out that act of indecent exposure was enough to have him tried in front of an intimidating panel of bald men with greying hair. With his final public address before facing a lifetime in prison, he angrily points to something in the distance.

A cabal of young children that he’s indoctrinated into his cult, the red nose representing a symbol of their devotion.

I’m sorry if I’ve ruined the film for you, but people really need to see this. I hope I’ve given you enough evidence to convince you, that, when it’s all said and done, Patch Adams is a horror movie.

 

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